It is natural to feel anger in a relationship. We can be angry of our colleagues, drivers on the way home, or even our partner him/herself. The problem is not only that it often ends up with violence, but also that even if the angry person does not hurt his or her partner physically, the tension generated around him- or herself negatively impacts everybody around.
This is why proper anger management is needed. First of all, it should be expressed, not held in. If you suppress such strong emotions, they will get stronger inside, and they will outburst all of a sudden.
Also, one should be aware of his or her partner's earlier life. Both of you need to know the environment that your partner grew up in, since this is how you will know if he or she is really angry or simply overreacting in an internalized way. And this is also how you can understand why your partner is deeply hurt by your words, if he or she grew up in a calm and quiet environment.
This will also lead to less accusations. Try not to overthink reactions, as well. Do not blame your partner for something that you have created in your mind, and do not accuse at all. He or she should get the chance to tell what happened without you believing in something else.
Timing is also a key to a good anger-management. If you are too tired, or not clearheaded, you are not likely to solve the problems. This is also why a quick break can be initiated in the middle of a fight, so both of you can calm down, and why something joyful should be done as soon as you have found the solution.