It is suggested that even though spouses recently share housework and have separate incomes, sex has not been better. Men are tired and women miss something, but they can't verbalize what it is. That is why they have less and less sex, but it does not mean that they are not happy. Egalitarian marriages are happy, even though they have less sex, since they have a stable and consensual base, yet they lack libido.
On the one hand, most husbands leave masculine chores – like fixing the car – to a professional, so although wives appreciate that they help them with cooking, for instance, they are rather turned on by watching them doing masculine chores, or coming from the gym. Since it is rare, and since they are equal in their private life and perhaps have a leading role at work, they would need aggressive sex, but their husband cannot give it to them, since they see them as equals.
Men might watch BDSM porn, but they could not change their nice and gentle sex lives for something kinky, so women use their toys to find pleasure, even though they want exactly what men watch.
So the solutions are these: share housework in the way that masculine chores are the man's duties – for instance, do not take the car to the repairman to change the neglected, or even rusty wheels in spring, and it will show that there are chores that she could not do – so he would help out less in feminine chores. Or you should get used to mellow and rare sex, and settle for a pleasant relationship.